bittersweet

I know the hard fact of life's never fair. The thing is we'll never get enough of life. To simplify it, we can't get all that we want. Another irony of life is those drama. Dear people, we're living in this temporary world and yes, you people are the actor & actress. I get that, however don't people ever get tired of it? It didn't hit me. Not until someone kick it right onto my nose. My intention is always mistaken. I do admit I'm easily mistaken & can be misleading at times. But the truth is, that's me. That's who I'm. If I were to be cocky enough, I would just ramble out "its not my mistake people get attracted to me." as one once said to me, those people are attracted to my mask, not the real me. Well, I'm quite puzzled myself on that statement. How I laugh, talk, walk & bring myself around people are the real me. My spontaneous act might be the trigger of people's affection. I tend to ve that affect on people. I somehow brought joy along with me. Is that consider a foul? Now that I bring happiness, why people need to complicate things and say its wrong? There's huge border line between flirty & friendly. Is it wrong to reply a statement of someone's liking with just a simple thank you as appreciation? I didn't lit the flame of hopes by saying I like them too. If I did I would clearly stated it as friends. My care and concern to people is sincere enough. Stop questioning it. And one point, I do wish to run away as far as Timbaktu and leave everyone behind, how very selfish of me right? But how far I run, the shadow will still follows. We can't choose the way people react to us. What we can choose is how we respond to them. I think I did a lousy job in that before. As anger & frustration breaks me, I push everyone away. Kinda like meditation on my own even when I realize I need people in healing. I'm trying hard to change it. Change people perception toward me when I notice it will never works. I need to be true to myself and fulfill the greater deal. If Hajar can raise Prophet Ismail in the middle of the desert alone while Prophet Ibrahim is away and she's still be strong holding on with her endless faith. Why can't I be stronger in facing this silly issue when it's not even life threatening situation.