drown

The perks of having a smartphone is typing in all the thoughts I've currently on the blog while riding a train to work. I read the most unpleasant news & it trembles my very core. Am I that fragile? Or at one point I never really did dealt with the matter? More questions than answers I guess. I changed my mind abt stopping earlier in my work place. I've more reasons now to actually drown myself it in. Exhausted every part of this body to simply push the pain away :) how very stubborn am I? Being me as it is means being as tough as I can be. Stronger than any significant pain. For me, its never okay to grief. Its a sign of weakness! I held my head high as I walk on the long road towards an emptiness. What am I chasing for? Its safe to say my life will be secured in material wise. However, lacking in the essential human needs. Purity of love. Have I became so numb till I can't feel my own emotion. Have my pain blinded me from seeing its beauty? I guess to feel love again means to feel tears down my cheeks, to admit I'm human again. Will I ever break the chain that scared my heart? To be frank, I just want someone to free me from everything :( because I'm not capable of doing so. I wanna feel joy & laughters again. I wants to be able to smile so widely & giggles all the way with no walls nor suffering that shadowed my every steps. I wants to fly high again..