rough two months

2013 seems tougher by the day, I mean there's so much things to adapt and face and it's just the end of Feb. Another 10 more months to go, I'm starting to freak out on what's going to happen next. On academic wise, result from last Year 3 Sem 1 isn't out yet. I'm getting worried more and more. Hoping I'd make it right. This final semester is harder, not to mention the dissertation which I'm kinda clueless and March is nearing! This is crazy! I don't know what to do, first class honour seems so very outta reach now.  I've no idea how I'm gonna pull off everything at once. And next is my laptop seems to be broken and can't be used makes me more stressed of course. I'm thankful for this notebook hoping things gonna be okay soon. Financially I can still manage as long as I don't overspend on food and go on retail therapy I should be just fine. The only thing need to be paid are £500 and the retake of English 3 and I didn't find out how much yet which worries me most, I just hope it won't go beyond one thousand. In harmonic housing environment, hmmm well some arguments and cold war going on there. I'm kinda clueless too, if only I wouldn't overthink it. Just to avoid staying in tension air, I'd browse around to find a room in Cova Suites again, however the rents are extreme and I don't have that kind of cash laying around just yet. So basically I'm holding on somehow. I got an uneasy news about someone that hasn't move on, my friends told me all about the status posted. Gotta be kidding me. Maybe she's mistaken, maybe those aren't for me, like come on it's been more than 2 years already. Hoping whatever he wanna barks at won't be anywhere near me or anyone on BIG's life and I be okay. Speaking of BIG, he being away is finally taking tolls on me and the relationship too. I seriously don't mind the long distance, come on we're used to it when BIG was in UMP. Sometimes, I do feel lonely and I need him around but I get it that he has things to do and I respect it enough, why can't he sees that. I don't know what's lacking in us or is it just me overthinking it again. I just feel empty somehow, I do love BIG much and I hope he knows that too. Our deal is simply loyalty in exchange of happiness, I'm doing good so far. I'm tired of losers out there and frankly I'm not interested in games anymore. I'm turning 22 y/o in 2013, I just need someone stable in my life. That's all. BIG and I seems to argue more lately, not that it is uncommon but I guess the strain is effecting the both of us in someways. Harsh words been thrown around like it's nothing and I admit we both seems to just sleep it off or just sweep it under whenever we've unsolved issues. I don't want this to continue on or I know by heart it will be horrible mess real soon. I know how much it kills him not being able to do anything when I miss him much or when I told him how I'm craving for certain food. To me, I'm not asking him to find a solution, I just want him to hear my endless babbling and complaints. I just want someone to talk to. Relationships are hard afterall, we're two different person and our ways don't went along well at times. I just wish he understands more and I could know what's his feelings are, because I don't know that. After everything we been through I'm kinda hoping we already bypassed the worst of it all. I'm not expecting bed of roses but a little bit of smooth sailing journey would be okay, maybe with just some rocky roads, but please not thunder storm or hurricane, not now at least when we're in most fragile state. I just wanna be with BIG in our own world. Even for few hours that would be great. We both need the escape, first two months of 2013 was rough indeed. I'm gonna be patience and wait for the time when both of us can be together. Lets just hope there won't be any over-heated argument during that period. I need BIG in my life that's for sure.

Okay, this should sum up all the things that had been bugging me and still troublesome to me in just two months of 2013, hectic and chaotic indeed. Can I survive this year? That question will be answered in my post on December later. Till then, pray for my survival.