shadow of the night

Tears drop again. This time while I was reading his blog. How much I miss his warmth. Why do I feel like each second he's further away from me? Why do I feel like he's slipping away? It's like I can't grasp what's real and what's fantasy anymore. I scared of every thing I love so deeply fall to pieces. Have we lost our sparks? Have we forget how much we fight for this love? Have we simply lose it.. over the course of time. Over the fact, we're moving on with life as we pace faster. You're no longer trouble I see. Starting to run after the fall. Do I still be needed in your life? I wonder. Am I still the girl who steal your heart? Or is this, the hallucination of twisted mind and drained emotions. I miss you.. that's all my soul screams for at this very moment. I need you.. so badly. I really do.. but I don't want to be the one keeping you caged, unable to fly high like you always wanted. Maybe I was there to mend your wings, to let you soar above earth. I can't stop crying, finally I'd let the tears accompany me thou hidden by the darkness of the night. You're taking a slower walk with us. I found pictures of life without you to be just a blur, with no details. Just hazy. I didn't regret having you. I never regretted it, not for one second. How do you regret the best moments of your life?

I will remember your comfy room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your radio, your mirror, our afternoon pizza, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the blue curtains, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again. And the condo could not be prettier, as when we danced up there alone. If you close your eyes, we will always be the way we were that night. I hope lightning strikes me down, I’ll show you and this whole town that I’m one in a million. I never wanted to fit in any place except your heart. And I’m still breathing, you keep me breathing. I want to be the surgeon that cuts you open, that fixes all of life’s mistakes. I want to be the house that you were raised in, the only place that you feel secure. I want to be darkness in the night that wrap you to sleep. I know I’m just the weather against your window as you dream.

If I went missing without a trace, will you find me?